So, I hate the games we as people play.
Not board games which I do adore, but rather the mental or emotional
games we play in our daily lives.
Even if we say we don't like them, or we don't ever do them....we do!
Each time you bite back the comment you wanted to make or agree to a statement when inside you are screaming NO THAT IS WRONG.
We hold back so much that it becomes hard for us to learn to open up in our relationships.
I wish we could all say exactly what we feel and have it be ok, yet there are often good reasons for our decisions to these things.
Often by not saying what is on our mind or how we feel we are protecting the other person.
Telling a dear friend you disagree with a choice she has made is kind of a moot point...it is her life, not yours and each person makes their decisions based on their own beliefs & experiences.
You can offer your thoughts & opinions, but in the end it is always their choice to make.
The worst though are the games we play with people with whom we are romantically involved.
We try so hard to protect ourselves emotionally that we hide what we are really feeling.
I personally have my own issues with this.
If I am really interested in someone of the opposite sex I tend to hold back alot, call it a self-protection thing, but I wait to see how much the other person will open up. Part of it is being hurt in the past & wanting to not have that happen again. Part of it is just my own nature of thinking everything through in my mind before sharing it.
The other factor is how tongue tied I can get around someone I am really into.
The funniest things can & do come out of my mouth in spite of what I mean to say...it is like someone else takes over my brain for the moment.
Heaven forbid we talk about feelings or any such thing while naked as I feel exposed in every sense of the word. I so wish I was one of those people who was able to be more free with my words, emotions and body.
I second guess most of these in my relationships with men.
To be honest I don't always think of myself as a good catch romantically
(I make an amazing friend, but I kind of suck at the romantic relationships)
As like most women I am always hardest on myself, wondering what this
good looking man sees in me?
or
I should have gone to the gym more since we last went out!
So often I wish I knew what was going in their heads, but if I am not able to share why on earth should I expect them to do so?
I miss the days of college where I had guy friends to ask questions of when I was feeling unsure in these areas. It was amazing to get the male perspective from time to time.
Now, I have to muddle through on my own and hope I am doing (or saying) the right thing.
My new goal is to try to hold back less, try to say what I want and hope for the best.
What do you think?
