when is it too much?

So, I tend to over think and over plan in most aspects of my life.

Trying to learn to just let it all flow, but there is a bit too much of the Virgo/Libra

 aspect in me...I just like the order, organization & such.

Currently I am in the process of moving from a large one bedroom to a small 2 bedroom.

This means I have roughly the same amount of square footage, but divided into smaller spaces. I am measuring all my furniture trying to see what will fit where & just how to make this work. A friend saw my lists of measurements & laughed. So, how to you plan your new spaces people? Do you just place items and move them until you are happy or do you "plan it out" like me and measure & do a diagram?

I will say that even with doing the planning I often change things around once I am in and living with my items...but I like to have some idea of what is going to work in the space. For one thing I would rather get rid of any furniture that is not going to fit so it doesn't have to be moved twice!

I am excited for the new space to nest into. My main reason for moving is price, it is cheaper than my current home and closer to my job in addition (woot woot)

My new landlord is putting in new flooring in the kitchen and bathroom which is so lovely, plus there is hardwood floors in both bedrooms & the living space. Windows on all 4 sides for fabulous cross breeze which is nice as it is an upstairs apt which can be hot as heck in the summer!

Bonus in getting a Pottery Barn black iron chandelier in my new living space along with a new stove in the kitchen. I am hating the packing and dreading the upstairs to upstairs move,but I am ready for this new chapter!

it's my life...so why do I care what YOU think?

I just finished reading an interesting book,

the amazing adventures of dietgirl

by Shauna Reid

www.dietgirl.org

It is written by an Australian woman who made a choice to lose weight and started blogging about it.

At her heaviest she was 351 pounds and the book covers 7 years, 175 pounds and a lifetime of personal body issue struggles.

I read this at a point in my own personal journey that really made me smile and also appreciate her efforts. While my starting point was a pit stop on her journey it is still quite similar to my journey that I am on.

I have never put a number out there.

Part of it is shame, I hate the large number (to me, maybe not to others) that was my highest weight.

Mostly it is that this is for the most part a personal journey.

I am the one that is going through this, others may help through words and support, but the work comes down to me in the end.

I am now choosing to look at the positive things I have achieved so far.

I have lost 31 pounds in the past year, dropping down 2 sizes.

More importantly though I have become a person who looks upon this as a health issue rather than looking just at numbers. It is not just about the weight, the inches, the size...it is about being able to take a hike and not being out of breath.

It is about looking forward to Zumba or BodyCombat.

 Or craving fruit rather than a donut.

It is funny how each time we can gain weight we say this is the highest number I will ever see.

This one is my breaking point and then we go past it...

...and then we do.

I have a magnet on my fridge that says

"My goal weight is what my fat weight used to be"

I used to laugh at that, but my current weight is what I used to call my fat weight a couple years ago!

This is the first time I am putting this in writing for others to see, but that 31 pounds I have lost is only about 25% of what I would like to lose. If I were to try and get down to my ultimate goal I would need to lose a total of 120 pounds.

That is a whole person and it sounds so scary to say I have that much to lose.

I personally would be happy to be within a 20 pound range of my goal, but I still set a low number to try and reach.

I am trying to let go of thinking about what others think, but it is not easy in this society in which we all judge each other so easily.

I am blessed with some very supportive friends and family.

They love me no matter how I look, but they are all telling me that can see me changing into a better me through this.

As one of my sweet friends told me lately that I am gorgeous inside & out.

I liked the compliment, come on who doesn't like those?
I am trying hard to take those lovely words I get from those around me and take them as they are given, in the spirit of love & support.

Now, getting back to the book, one of my favorite things is how she was talking about working out and being the largest in the room.

I have recently gotten a renewed enthusiasm for my gym after a break of a couple months.

This week I took 2 BodyFlow classes, which is a mix of yoga, pilates & tai chi.

Sounds easy right?

Um, not so much.

You see when you are carrying extra weight it makes it harder to do some of those yoga poses.

There is ways to adapt them to be easier which I do and work towards being able to do them in the manner which the teacher & rest of the class do. I look on it as I am there and trying.

I try not to get wrapped up in being the big girl in the room, but not going to lie, it can be tough.
I am sure I am thinking about it much more than any of them are.

I love my yoga, it gives me peace and a sense of strength.

I do look at how easy it comes to some of the others within the class and hate that I am working so much harder to do the same moves.

then I stop and say to myself....girl you are HERE, you are TRYING!

GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT ALREADY!
So, here is my positive words to myself for today...
YOU CAN DO IT!
NOW, GET OFF THE COUCH AND GO TO THE GYM!!!!

Footnote,

this picture is from a hike last month and right when my friend went to take the pic I talked...thus it turning out like this. Honestly it makes me laugh as I look almost disgusted with it all which is far from what I was feeling. I am trying to include some pictures along my journey so we can all see how far I am going...so above is now...and below is from June of 2009. Can you see that 30 pounds that are gone? I sure can!

 

ahhh

Had a fabulous mini vacay down south seeing my friends & family!

Got quality time with my bestie, say some old friends and ate all kinds of treats not in my usual diet these days!

Came back refreshed and ready to tackle my move.

I sometimes think these small local moves are worse as you can spread it out over a bit of time with lots of small trips. On the plus side my friend AKS is coming from out of town to help me organize and move my small stuff before the boys do my big furniture pieces on the weekend.

Now to sit back and enjoy my only day off for the week.

when you stumble, simply get up and start again

So, I have been exceptionally stressed with things going on both in my life and within the lives of my dear friends of late. This has made my routine become quite askew...and not always for the better.

My insomnia has come back with a vengeance and I am lucky to get 5 hours of sleep a night usually falling between 1-6am. Let me tell you there is a lack of quality late night programming considering all the dang channels I have on my TV!

I probably exercised too much last week and not enough this week, though my number on the scale has gone down. I think that has to do more with my lack of appetite in the past few days than anything else, but I am happy to break through the plateau I had been on for the past couple of months. If that is what it takes than OK, I will take it and move forward!

I have a light at the end of my tunnel though in the 4 days off from work I have coming up the first week in April. I get to go see my bestie DK and my mom for a couple of days down south.

I am trying to remember we all go through these tough times and all the ones in the past have made me stronger and a better person in some way, no matter how small.

I am making time for my friends more of a priority as I notice I have a tendency to withdrawal when I am going through things like this....and really this is when you need your friends the most!
I am blessed with great people in my life, both near & far who are there to help me back up as I stumble. Thank you my friends, I do so love you!

touching lives every day

This Sunday I went a memorial paddle out for a friend of the family from our beach side community. It was amazing to see so many people come out to celebrate his life & support the family.

Well, there were tears for many of us, I also saw many smiles and heard fabulous stories.

It made me realize just how much we touch one another's lives each day.

We get so wrapped up in our own struggles and daily lives we forget how much of an influence we can be on others.

I can only hope to leave a legacy of love, friendship and wisdom for those I will will leave behind. 

My goal in life has always been to be as happy as I can be and try to let the rest fall into place.

So, here is to living a good life and making the world a better place for being in it....xoxox

getting out...

I am lucky enough to live in one of the most beautiful areas of CA. I of course have absolutely no bias when I state this fact, but look at these pictures and try to disagree with me? 

A lovely hike on a local mountain on a sunny day gave some interesting shadows to this tree filled spot. I recently bought a book on trails within my county and am working my way through them slowly, dragging any friends I can along with me.

On the same hike looking out over my city and taking a moment to appreciate how blessed we are.

I love getting out to enjoy the nature, plus having time to gab with a friend almost makes it feel as if it is not a workout!

A few days later I went to one of my happy spots along the coast for a hike with another friend.

I had heard we were going to get some rain and thought I should get out and enjoy the sun before it went away. There are countless trails at this spot so we just parked near one we had yet to try and just walked towards the water. It ended at the ocean with a great bench to sit and relax upon.

So, on this day I got a workout in walking the sandy dune trail and got to soothe my soul by visiting the ocean and gossiping with my friend along the way.

sadness and loss

Thursday evening I was playing around on FB when I came across a post from a local friend about a family friend. He didn't come straight out and say he had died, but said he would be missed and loved always which gave me the thought he had. The person in question had sadly been in ICU for the past 3 weeks or so due to an infection he got while having open heart surgery. He is a friend of my dad's and a huge part of my life in our beach side community. I played with his daughter at their house growing up, attended many a birthday celebration and BBQ with them over the course of the last 30 years.

He was a generous spirit filled with laughter and love for those around him.He enjoyed fishing, surfing and Mexico. I hurt for all that his family has gone through in the past months of his being ill & hospitalized and wish them healing for the times to come.

To his whole family I extend all the love and support I can.

I did get confirmation the next day that he had indeed lost his battle. I will attend whatever services there are for him to celebrate the man he was and the live he led as he touched many in his 50+ years of life.